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What it comes down to is do you have players that have talent and that are willing to work. I been fortunate with both of those. Graduation day is my favorite day each year. I treat them with respect and all I ask in return is the same. Very competitive, very tough. They play hard all the time.

We have a great relationship because our philosophies are so similar. SUNO means everything to me. SUNO gave me a chance. So I always tried to remember that. This is home. DI Women's Basketball. What do you think separates the best from the rest anyway? Do they have more talent than you? Not necessarily!

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Are they more physically gifted than you? Are they in much better physical condition than you? Most definitely! Do they want it MORE than you? Ah Hah! You see, the very successful athletes work harder than you on a more consistent basis because they want it more than you do! If you truly want to be successful, then your biggest obstacle is that person you see when you look in the mirror! If you want it badly enough and are willing to go after it on a daily basis, then ultimately you will lift the level of your training and performance to go to the next level.

What does this really mean?

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However, what I am saying is that if you are talking the talk, then you have to start walking the walk. The secret to success is in your hands, not in your mouth. The secret to success will separate you from all your competitors.

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The secret to success is so simple to understand yet so difficult to consistently use. Do you have what it takes to become a champion? Can you honestly put your actions where your mouth is? Are you willing to walk the walk? Do you know what it really takes for your child to be successful in his or her sport? Is this what you truly want for your child? Understand first, that in every sport, real success is dependent upon hard and consistent effort. Your child needs to really work at the sport on a daily basis in order to go anywhere. They complain that the child worked very hard the last week or two before the competition and wonder what went wrong.

Perhaps the coach screwed up? The fact of the matter is that you or your child should never expect peak performance if he or she only worked hard right before the competition.

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There is no substitute for this! Having said this, however, you have to be able to understand where your child really wants to go in the sport.

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Maybe they have no real impetus to become great. In fact, your dreams and aspirations for your child are totally irrelevant to this discussion! Make a conscious and concerted effort to keep your ego and your goals out of this equation.

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If this is the case then it is not really necessary for them to consistently work hard and make the sport a priority in their life. In fact, for most children, this is probably the healthiest approach that you can have to sports. They will still get some very valuable things from their participation. However, suppose your child is motivated to pursue an athletic dream. Perhaps they do have an important goal they are going after and they are very serious about hitting this target. Make it easy for them to get to practice on a daily basis.

Talk with the coach about when the best time off would be. Understand that having your child take a week or two off at the wrong time may seriously interfere with the successful pursuit of the goal. There is much hardship and sacrifice necessary if one is going to successfully turn a big dream into a reality. Simply put it will not always be fun for you or your child.

Be sure to remind your child of this and support the process and the coach. However, even though it may not seem fun to your child, this does not mean that they are not passionate about or loving their pursuit. In addition, try to understand that you should help your child-athlete embrace the entire process, including the struggle.

This means that failing, setbacks and disappointments must be accepted and constructively dealt with along with all the good times. To do so would be to do them and the coach a serious disservice. Failing is an important part of the learning and maturation process of an athlete and must be faced and dealt with directly.


Failing ultimately makes your child stronger and more motivated. Support their dream. Make it easy for them to consistently get to practice. Keep your goals separate from theirs. Help them keep things in perspective. Remind them and yourself that this is all about growth, development and fun. Ask them if the pros lose all of their talent or ability when they mess up. Am I playing well enough? Ask your child how many hours she thinks professional athletes train each week, and why. Professional athletes train at least 40 hours a week.

Wait—but they are professionals—why do they need to keep practicing? Because ability is about improving your skills—goodness or even greatness is not an endpoint that you achieve and you have arrived. As masters know, their work is never done. Encourage your child to track his progress in specific areas every few practices so he can see the benefit it provides. Look to your heroes: When an Olympian has had a tough run, he looks to his coaches and other trusted advisors such as parents or teammates for their input.

To help your child recover from a disappointing day on the field, have him identify his dream team of consultants—favorite coaches, athletes, a grandparent perhaps and run his day past his board. He can imagine in his mind what advice they have for how to accurately interpret what that disappointment really means and what he can do about it.

He might imagine too what his dream team does when they experience disappointment. Finally, he can also learn to be proactive and ask his coach for additional pointers. Find a coaching voice that you like and treat yourself that way, too : Children are often very self-critical and hard on themselves; to help them see how unhelpful that is, it may be easier to do that from a distance.

Ask them which coaches they thought were best in the Olympics—or in general in their experience—ones who get angry and yell when you make a mistake, or ones who stay calm and show you exactly what to do to improve your game? What does she want to be hearing in her head if she has a mis-step? The Sochi Olympics will be over soon, but the lessons you can teach your child from them can be a springboard to a strong mindset that will serve your child for a lifetime.

I watch lessons with my two kids here preparemykidcom and we all laugh at the videos, but then talk about them in a way that my kids actually learn and get great takeaways. They have videos for mental strength and also school and financial lessons. Tamar Chansky, Ph. When it's hard to connect, step into your own shoes first. A new memoir sheds light on the inner and outer experience of childhood anxiety.

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