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As parents we can set patterns in place that will last through generations, as is illustrated by both of your hard-wired responses. Having children requires us not just to curb our negative impulses but also to be the best person we can strive to be.

Pity about having smacked head under the influence - crossword puzzle clues & answers - Dan Word

Scotland has already made smacking children a criminal act. If you and your husband are struggling to temper your frustrations then you need professional help to equip you with the requisite tools. The good news is there are professional people who can really help you. Parenting is challenging and the only training we get is through our own childhood experiences, many of which it would be preferable not to pass on.

Plenty of us will have resorted to the sort of rage with our kids which would have us hurled out of a working environment in a second. Self-awareness is important, so focusing on how bad you feel afterwards is key.

Why David Lammy is wrong about smacking

Like many parents I too have bad days but we all know when matters are escalating out of hand. Acts of violence toward young kids tentatively trying to find their feet in a puzzling world are an immediate STOP sign. If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella. Follow her on Twitter mariellaf1. Topics Relationships Dear Mariella.

Don't smack Dopey 😠

Parents and parenting Family Children features. Reuse this content. Order by newest oldest recommendations. Show 25 25 50 All. You can't kill your kid if he is naughty; you can't break his bones; you can't stub cigarettes out on him; so there's room for the state to interpolate itself somewhere between the parent and the child, and if it's not at the stage beyond reddening the skin, where on earth is it?

Significant bruising?


Hairline fractures? It's never clear where the pro-smacking lobby wants to see this line drawn, or if it is seriously contending there should be no line at all. So anyway, I said on the radio that I would be appalled if anyone I knew hit their kids, and Taylor and Thomas scoffed at me, so I got flustered and didn't justify it, and in the end, I sounded like another of those parents whom Lammy described to me yesterday: "There's a Muswell Hill, Crouch End attitude to this subject; it's a postmodern understanding of how you raise children, that negotiation and discussion are absolutely central.

They never have to deal with the real face of the state, which is all intervention and no support. This is a sucker-punch argument for the self-hating liberal I have that as a tattoo , because it ranges the middle class against the working class, the white hegemony against a black minority, and then all it takes is for the upper class with their long-standing love of corporal punishment to come together with AN Voice of the People and the liberal has been properly kippered: we won't let people hit their kids because we're snobs, and then where are we when those kids turn bad?

It's a neat manoeuvre, enough to chase any sensible person off this territory for good, except for a couple of small things: first, there's nobody on earth who advocates parenting in anger; there isn't a parenting class, a bishop, a leftie, a teacher, a youth worker, anybody from any point on the spectrum who says that you should negotiate and enforce your boundaries while you're livid.

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Yet what kind of a person hits anyone, child or not, when they're not angry? As Anne Longfield, CEO of the charity 4Children , says: "Hitting would never come into any parenting class, because that's what happens when all the other strategies have broken down. That's when the parents have lost control, and that will be obvious to children, especially the ones that are a little bit older.

The more you try to imagine smacking as a specific response, rather than an "issue", the more ridiculous it is.

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Obviously well, it's obvious to me you wouldn't hit anyone who was pre-speech, because you couldn't be reasonably sure that they had committed their offence on purpose. So, say you start hitting them at four: do you carry on until they are 14? Rake comments: "If there's a big issue about controlling teens, the idea that hitting them is going to make any difference to their behaviour … common sense tells you that will just make it escalate.

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Second, everybody is very into "values": it's a given that children need boundaries, and that as a parent you need to set them, manage them and exert authority in that process. You establish boundaries by having a morality of your own, which you can explain relatively easily and in which you are reasonably consistent.

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  6. Frankly, that's all I have in my ethics-larder — you think of others, you don't assert your will through force, you don't exploit weakness, you're polite. That's it. If I were to hit one of my children, I would be role-modelling the exact opposite of my belief structure, and my "boundaries", as a result, would be shifting and meaningless. I don't think the liberal left should be shy about saying: that idea is stupid.

    But I'm not backing down on this: the "liberal left" is against undue physical chastisement not because we're wet, or because we don't know how hard life can be although we don't , and not because we don't come into contact very often with the social services. We're against it because children have rights; they are people under the law. Topics Parents and parenting. Young people Children UK riots Race features. Reuse this content. Order by newest oldest recommendations.