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Manual Nobody Wants to Play With Zombie Jesus: An Unconventional Childrens Tale

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Shannon Garrety. James D. How to write a great review. The review must be at least 50 characters long. The title should be at least 4 characters long. Your display name should be at least 2 characters long. At Kobo, we try to ensure that published reviews do not contain rude or profane language, spoilers, or any of our reviewer's personal information. You submitted the following rating and review. We'll publish them on our site once we've reviewed them. Continue shopping. Item s unavailable for purchase. Please review your cart. You can remove the unavailable item s now or we'll automatically remove it at Checkout.

Remove FREE. Unavailable for purchase. Continue shopping Checkout Continue shopping. If Randy - or, essentially, the audience - is dead, then nobody's safe. Film s : Phantasm Angus Scrimm, in a suit that's too tight for him to accentuate his slender frame, squints and scowls for all he's worth as the iconic bad guy of Don Coscarelli's completely and we mean this with love bonkers franchise.

An inter-dimensional alien being who poses as an undertaker while he prepares to wage war with his army of psycho dwarves and flying balls stop sniggering , The Tall Man is just one of many maybe even millions , which makes him that much harder to stop.


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Film s : Evil Dead II Denise Bixler - who made just one more film after this - has only a few minutes of screentime in Evil Dead II, but one hell of an arc. She starts off as Ash's loyal and loving girlfriend, is quickly turned into a raging demon, then a severed head spewing horrible rhetoric, then a dancing zombie complete with moves that would knock Bruno Tonioni's socks off, before becoming the first Deadite to test the righteous steel of Ash's chainsaw.

Beat that, King Lear. Film s : Eyes Without A Face Pierre Brasseur's surgeon scientist only wants to do what's right for his dear, darling, disfigured daughter Christiane. If that means kidnapping and, by default, murdering a string of young girls so he can conduct a revolutionary face transplant, then so be it. Brasseur is unforgettable as one of cinema's very best takes on Frankenstein in Georges Franju's classic. Film s : Peeping Tom Is it the soft German accent? His quivering presence?

Those empty, wide, sad eyes? Karlheinz Bohm's subtle, timid killer plays a huge part in Peeping Tom's success, underplaying against Michael Powell's vividly voyeuristic kills, catching his victim's death throes on tick-tick-ticking camera. Either way, his demise is no moral triumph - it's tragedy. Film s : Eden Lake Jenny is the nursery school teacher tormented by chavs in James Watkins' powerful debut. She sees her boyfriend tortured, spikes her foot, jumps in a bin She'll be in need of a shower after that lot.

Maybe not. Film s : Pan's Labyrinth Bizarrely, it's still all the better to see you with. Film s : The Wolf Man Sorry Benicio. There's only room enough for one Wolf Man on this list and that goes to Chaney Jr. Film s : Don't Look Now Prior to that, Holbrook is excellent as Malone, gradually putting together the pieces of the true fate of the Elizabeth Dane and its crew of lepers, in which his ancestors were involved, and not at all happy about it.

Armed with this knowledge, and a gold cross, Malone - previously a shambles of a man - decides to redeem himself, and his family name. Film s : Misery The monstrously wholesome Annie played by a ferocious Kathy Bates, who won an Oscar for her troubles is completely, terrifyingly, batshit cockadoody crazy. Don't let her anywhere near your ankles. Film s : Candyman Tony Todd's hook-handed legend has, unusually for a franchise fiend, layers of emotional depth and something of a tragic sheen. We know what happens if you say his name five times into a mirror, but what happens if you type it?

Film s : Cape Fear Robert De Niro had already played The Devil once by the time he sank his teeth into the show-stopping villain of Martin Scorsese's brilliant remake, but he didn't let that put him off giving it another go. OK, the tattooed, Bible-quoting Max Cady may not literally be Old Nick he is, in fact, a convict with slow-burning vengeance on his mind , but whether he's taking lumps out of a girlfriend's cheek, putting the moves on the underage daughter of his foe, Nick Nolte, or smoking in a cinema, there's no doubt about his diabolical nature.

Film s : Jaws One of the wonders of Jaws is that its three heroes seem like ordinary guys, played by men who didn't wander straight out of modelling school and onto a movie set. When Roy Scheider's Martin Brody takes his shirt off, there's no rippling six-pack underneath. Brody is an ordinary guy catapulted into extraordinary circumstances, and Scheider makes him rich, relatable, human; the perfect man, then, to dispose of a villain that's everything but. Smile, you sonofabitch.

The 100 best horror movie characters

A Deliverance-style duo who stalk their way around this little-seen atmospheric '80s horror. As with Ghostface in Scream, the reveal that there's actually two of them comes late in the day - too late for some characters. Film s : Fright Night Roddy McDowall's prissy, hammy horror show host, forced to discover his faith and become the thing he's pretended to be for thirty years when he's confronted with real vampires, is a delight.


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Miles away from David Tennant's vulgar creation in the murky remake, McDowall's turn is a reminder of a more innocent time in horror. Vincent Price starts Roger Corman's movie as a Satan-worshipping despot who orders the burning of a village, kidnaps a girl to be his sex slave, and then throws a big old party for the rich, figuratively fiddling while Rome burns.

From there, it's downhill for Prospero, but Price is on fine form throughout. Film s : Repulsion Catherine Deneuve is on superlative form as the repressed recluse whose awkwardness and disdain for men and sexual contact begins to eat into her psyche, first manifesting itself as hallucinations the image of hands coming through the wall to grab at Carole has been stolen by a number of directors, most famously George A.

Romero for Day Of The Dead , then as bloody murders, then as catatonia. Film s : Les Diaboliques Meurisse's cheating husband is a grade-A scumbag, whose emotional and physical abuse of his wife, Christina, continues even after his 'murder'. Meurisse is, thanks to the very nature of the film's plot, off-screen for much of the movie, but his presence is everywhere, while he's front-and-centre of one of horror cinema's most famous shock twists.

As played by Scatman Crothers, Hallorann - the chef at the Overlook Hotel - is a kindly old man who, blessed with his own Shining, acts as Danny Torrance's guide to the dos and don'ts of the evil old hotel. As set up by Stephen King, he's the knight in armour who travels half the country to save the day.

As set up by Stanley Kubrick, he's a rug pulled from under your feet. Deborah Kerr is on fine form in Jack Clayton's elegant and creepy horror as the governess who comes to suspect that her two young charges are possessed, while we, the audience, come to suspect that she may not be the full shilling. Film s : The Hitcher Thomas Howell's innocent young buck learns hard, and learns fast, that he should have listened to his mother when she told him never to give a lift to strangers.

Especially psychotic strangers played by Rutger Hauer.

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Howell's journey from terrified victim to dead-eyed instrument of vengeance is neatly sketched and all the more creepy once you realise, in hindsight, that Hauer's John Ryder set out to create a monster, and succeeded. Halsey returns years later for about five minutes in the lamentable sequel.

Ellen Burstyn bagged a deserved Oscar nomination as the Chicago mom enduring immense strain as she watches her beloved daughter turn into a raging, demonically possessed freak who does unspeakable things with crucifixes and simply ruins dinner parties. Burstyn is forever on the edge of hysteria as Regan's condition worsens. Understandably so. Film s : Dawn of the Dead OK, so Scott Reiniger's devil-may-care SWAT guy may border on the psychopathic, and contributes to his own demise, but we defy you not to will the little guy to fulfil his promise to Ken Foree's Peter that "I'm going to try not to come back".

Film s : The Devil Rides Out A rare good guy turn for the great Christopher Lee in, arguably, Hammer's greatest movie. As the occult expert charged with saving Patrick Mower's rich kid from a fate worse than Emmerdale, Lee is fantastic as an uptight, upright, unswerving bastion of moral invincibility. And the facial hair - neatly devilish itself - is a winner.

Film s : Bad Taste Forced to take the lead role in Bad Taste because he had no other real option, Peter Jackson plays Derek as a dithering idiot who becomes dangerously unhinged when he falls off a cliff and spends most of the movie holding his brains in via judicious deployment of a belt.

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Jackson displays such a nifty instinct for comedy that it's a real shame that he hasn't given acting a go since; and Derek's Ash-like transformation into chainsaw-wielding badass is ludicrously satisfying. He's a Derek, and Dereks don't run. As the kindly nurse who takes a very personal interest in the welfare of wounded American tourist David Kessler, Jenny Agutter sparked a thousand teenage fantasies with that shower scene. But there's more here than just pervy nonsense: Alex's growing love and compassion for David makes her the Beauty to his Beast.

It's heartbreaking, therefore, when Wolf-David snarls and makes that last leap for her in Piccadilly Circus. Film s : Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer Michael Rooker's frighteningly humdrum performance as a no-nonsense monster in John MacNaughton's dead-eyed character study gave audiences everywhere chills Film s : Blue Velvet Make no mistake: for every second that Dennis Hopper's unforgettable, oxygen-huffing, Heineken-disparaging, ear-severing brute is on screen, Blue Velvet is a horror movie. Film s : Poltergeist The 4'3" actress, with a voice that sounds like a possessed doll, is a weird and unforgettable presence in Tobe Hooper's brilliant haunted house movie, showing up near the end to do battle with the darkness armed with nothing but a rope, some tennis balls and unshakeable faith.

The only opponent worthy of defeating Jason Voorhees, Tommy was played across three different films by three actors, beginning with Corey Feldman in the laughably-titled Final Chapter. Back then, he was a kid obsessed with movie make-up who uses his skills to lure Jason to his death. Loomis he ain't. Unusually violent for a Marvel property, Blade avoids the moral ambiguities of the similarly trigger-happy Punisher by only slaughtering vampires.

Film s : Audition She's a serial seducer and torturer who keeps her victims in sacks. Remember, words create lies but pain can be trusted. Kiri kiri kiri Film s : Lost Highway A deeply troubling character inexplicably capable of being in two places at once. In fact, he's in your house right now. Give him a ring. Top notch headfuckery from David Lynch. It's the mocking, malevolent entity that seizes hold of an innocent young girl and proceeds to turn her into a hellish shock jock, so that it can settle old scores with two priests.

Besides that, Pazuzu has a lot to answer for: virtually every screen demon since has been a thinly-veiled rip-off, down to the face yes, Pazuzu's true visage is glimpsed subliminally, but there's no doubt that it can also be seen in Regan's twisted, mutated features and Mercedes McCambridge's eggs-fags-and-whiskey voice. Not the original iteration of Bram Stoker's vampire killing Dutch doctor, of course, but by far the best. Cushing plays his Van Helsing with a cut-glass English accent, and a sense of moral rectitude and purpose as sharp as his stakes.

His look of triumph upon reducing Christopher Lee's Dracula to ash in the original Hammer movie is as dastardly as this good Doctor Cushing actually played the role several times, although it wasn't always the same Van Helsing ever gets. Film s : Nosferatu Monster monster! The original - and some would say, best - screen vampire is a balding, rat-like, inhuman creature whose very shadow has more personality and menace than a thousand imitators.

Film s : The Invisible Man Rains is unnervingly crazy as the scientist who accidentally disappears himself. The invisibility effects, to this day, border on magic. Film s : The Cabinet of Dr Caligari The great Conrad Veidt is touching as the sleepwalking slave - very nearly a homunculus - of Dr. Caligari, forced to murder innocents until he's beguiled by the beauty of Lil Dagover's Jane. Cesare meets his end, in somewhat unorthodox fashion for a Big Bad, from exhaustion. Film s : The Curse Of Frankenstein For a man who was known as the Nicest Guy In Showbiz, Peter Cushing did have an amazing talent for playing rotten bastards.

Victor is a wild-eyed nutter, entirely focused on his goal of creating life from death - and if, along the way, he has to create a few deaths from life in order to get that little bit closer to being a living God, then so be it. Cushing, steely-eyed and dastardly from the off, is fantastic here, creating a character that would reappear in six sequels one of which doesn't star Cushing.

Enigmatic evil from Rutger Hauer, as the hitch-hiking psychopath desperate to be stopped by a worthy opponent. He's ruthless enough to tear someone in half with a truck, playful enough to place a severed finger in a plate of French fries. Film s : Carrie Oppressed, bullied and ignored, Carrie White a gift of a role for Sissy Spacek is a powder keg of burgeoning telekinetic power, just waiting to explode at her school prom. Many die at Carrie's hand - or, more accurately, mind - that night, but impressively she remains the film's true victim.

Film s : Re-Animator One of cinema's greatest mad scientists, Jeffrey Combs' nerdish psychopath is a morbid delight, whether it's beating a zombie cat to death or struggling to escape from killer intestines. Lon Chaney was famously known as The Man Of A Thousand Faces, but really one stands out above the other Erik, the masked madman who lurks in the bowels of the Paris Opera House and develops a dangerous obsession with a young ingenue.

Versus Director: Ryuhei Kitamura. Deadgirl Director: Marcel Sarmiento. The s was a decade of taboos falling, but zombie sex is still probably a bit much for many audiences. You have to give it to the writers—no one had really drawn up an entire film about the sexuality of the undead before this. Like it or hate it, any and every instance of zombie sex in the future will always be compared to Deadgirl in some way. The World.

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The bevy of teachers run afoul of a swarm of pint-sized zombies, students who have been turned into the undead by a food-borne virus in their cafeteria chicken nuggets. The jokes, then, do tend to boil down to the unusual nature of seeing children as the aggressors and adults running for their lives, or hacking their way through a crowd of zombies who come up to their navels.

One thing Cooties does right—its zombies retain a degree of their own innate personalities, which means they on some level still act like kids. Dead Snow Director: Tommy Wirkola. The first Dead Snow , though no masterwork, is the better film because it at least partially tries to hit the horror audience instead of abandoning it for full-on horror-comedy camp.

A group of students camp out in a remote, snowy cabin in Norway and unwittingly revive a regiment of Nazi zombies by appropriating their Nazi gold—pretty standard stuff for the genre. The attempts at humor and characterization are so-so, but the FX and action work are top-notch for an indie feature, with great costuming for the zombies and lots of explosive bloodletting, especially as it builds to a ridiculous conclusion.

Nightmare City Director: Umberto Lenzi. If you love ludicrous foreign horror cinema, and especially batshit crazy Italian zombie movies, then Nightmare City is like the holy grail of your subgenre. Because this movie is insane.


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And oh, how they kill! These zombies are armed to the teeth with knives, axes, even machineguns. I repeat: This movie features machinegun-firing zombies, priestly zombies, doctor zombies and even zombies that are implied to have somehow flown and landed a large military plane on their own. Add to that a delightfully wacky English dubbing, full of awkward pauses, strange voices and philosophical ramblings, and you have the birth of a camp classic on your hands.

Slither Director: James Gunn. As in Night of the Creeps , the action revolves around a sort of alien parasite that arrives on Earth and unleashes a horde of parasitic slugs that turn the infected into what are essentially zombies.

nobody wants to play with zombie jesus an unconventional childrens tale Manual

Equal parts funny, gory, and very, very slimy, Slither never strives to be much more than sleazy entertainment. It knows its place and plays its role very well. The U. The zombies, however, look great, and the restored copy on horror streaming service Shudder right now is a wonderfully high-quality version of the film in particular.

These are beliefs still accepted on some level in various communities today, but the film itself is far from grounded, and ventures into a rather outlandish caricature of voodoo beliefs. What is it about zombie films that compel small-time filmmakers to dream big? Juan of the Dead stands ably on its own. The story revolves around a young nurse who travels to the Caribbean to care for a patient who may or may not be affected by zombism, which draws her into a mystery surrounding a local voodoo cult.

I Walked With a Zombie might be the first historical zombie film with imagery likely to stick in your memory for years. Land of the Dead Director: George A. Land of the Dead , thankfully, does build off the strength and continuity of his previous two films, Dawn and Day of the Dead , which helps it immensely in projecting the right tone.

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Night of the Comet Director: Thom Eberhardt. Night of a Comet is thoroughly B-movie in budget, but you can feel it yearning to be a bit more. When a comet passes close to Earth, exposure to some form of radiation literally vaporizes almost everyone on Earth, turning them to dust. Those few who got partial exposure instead become zombies, although this film is notable on a zombie list for being one of the least zombie-heavy.

Odd tidbit: Co-star Kelli Maroney went on to appear in the very amusing Chopping Mall two years later in , which also happened to feature her firing Uzis in a mall. Make it goofy. No plot. Budget is not an issue. Have fun. Social commentary? Both this and its attached brother film, Death Proof , deserved to make far more at the box office. But Planet Terror deserved better. The story revolves around Michael, something of a deluded sad-sack who was recently dumped by his girlfriend. The very low budget is consistently apparent in the dull-looking visual palette and single location, but Kren gets the most out of his actors in a zombie movie that is also surprisingly gore-less.

And at only 63 minutes, it never has to worry about overstaying its welcome. Rammbock is a lean, mean little zombie story that does just enough differently from the template to be memorable. Cemetery Man Director: Michele Soavi. Zombies, and really the horror genre in general, went through something of a lull in the s, outside of genre-savvy offerings such as Scream.

In Europe, though, unconventional zombie films did still pop up now and then, of which Cemetery Man is the most notable. The premise itself sounds old-school and spooky: A cemetery caretaker lives with his Igor-like assistant and kills the zombies that occasionally rise from their graves after being buried for 7 days. In reality, though, the film is essentially a horror art-comedy, an experimental and partially plotless, dreamy movie about the protagonist drifting through life without purpose and questioning why he bothers carrying out his duty. He pines after a woman who he immediately loses to zombification, and there are elements that almost remind one of American Psycho in the hopelessness and lack of identity he faces—even when the protagonist tries to commit atrocities and get caught, nobody seems to notice or care.

The Horde plays a bit like someone in France saw From Dusk Till Dawn and wondered what the format of that movie might be like with zombies instead of vampires. And then, 20 minutes in … a bunch of zombies arrive! They have no access to information on the wider world, and can only watch as Paris apparently tears itself apart.