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But the man just sits there. The waiter calls for the maitre d' and for the chef, and each goes through the same routine: "Too hot? Finally the chief, at his wits end, says, "Sir, I will taste the soup myself. Where is the spoon?

1. What's brown and sticky?

Cover image: Pixabay. Tags: jokes for kids , making kids laugh , clean jokes for kids , joke ideas for kids.

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Victor Beigelman vbeigelman. Oct 09, Here are 11 of the best clean jokes for kids that are also decently funny:. More Videos. What's brown and sticky? The Lady On the Train. Why do ducks have flat feet? To stomp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out flaming ducks. Who walks into a restaurant, eats shoots and leaves?

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh. I Can't Eat This Soup.

Two Muffins in an Oven. There are two muffins in an oven. One muffin turns to the other muffin and says, "Boy, it's hot in here. What did one eye say to the other eye? Don't look now, but something between us smells. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check. After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat. Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston.

Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbour's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humour thy father and thy mother. One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies.

19 Clean Jokes To Tell Your Kids...That Are Actually Funny

Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town. After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about wives and porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me. After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.

One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them. After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New.

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He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. Were you born in a barn? During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him. Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

Funny Children's Tree Stories

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead. Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminium.

His return is foretold in the book of Revolution. Maybe Cain and Abel would kill each so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. See more Children's Letters to God. Below are true attempts by kids to list some of attributes of God. Some of them are nearly right after all, others, just unpardonable. Kindly sent in by Kerphas Gyamphi. Abdullah entered a barber's shop to have his hair and his beard cut as usual. He began a conversation with Masoud, the barber who attended to him.

They talked about many things and various subjects. Casually, they touched the subject of God when Masoud stated, 'Look Abdullah, I don't believe that God exists as you tell me. Listen, if God existed, would there be so many sick people?

Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't think of a God who permits all of these things,' pronounced Masoud. Abdullah, not wishing to start an argument with his friend and barber kept silent, thinking.

Kids and Children Jokes, Funny, Internet, Scary, School, Silly and Sports Jokes in English

Masoud completed the hair and beard trim and Abdullah paid and left the shop. As he did so he saw another man in the street who had unkempt, long hair and beard and it was obvious that a long time had elapsed since he had his cut. Smiling to himself, Abdullah returned to Masoud's shop. Once inside he said, 'You know what, Masoud, barbers do not exist. God does exist, what happens is people don't go to Him and do not look for Him that's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world. When you get what you want in your struggle for self And the world makes you king for a day, Just go to a mirror and look at yourself, And see what that man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife, Who judgement upon you must pass; The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life Is the one starring back from the glass. He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest. For he's with you clear up to the end, And you've passed the most dangerous, difficult test If the man in the glass is your friend. You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years. And get pats on the back as you pass, But your final reward will be the heartaches and tears If you've cheated the man in the glass.

A small congregation in the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains, USA, built a new church on a piece of land left to them by a church member in his will. Ten days before the new church was to open, the local building inspector informed the vicar that the parking lot was inadequate for the size of the building. Until the church doubled the size of the parking lot, they would not be able to use the new sanctuary.

Unfortunately, the church with its undersized parking lot had used every inch of their land except for the mountain against which it had been built. In order to build more parking spaces, they would have to move the mountain out of the back yard. Undaunted, the pastor announced the next Sunday morning that he would meet that evening with all members who had "mountain-moving faith".